omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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