I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
