You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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