I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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