Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
