I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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