He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
