Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
