You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
