Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
