I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
