I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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