I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
