I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
