Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
