Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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