Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
