Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
