You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
