in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
