1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So vagazzling was a success
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
