She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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