nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
