I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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