The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
