next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize