I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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