I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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