The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize