OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
