I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
