I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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