I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
