you turned your livingroom into a bong?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
