it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
