god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
