i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize