what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize