I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize