Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
