My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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