Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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