the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
