His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
