you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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