there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
