ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
