He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
