I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They took my balls.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
