Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
