meet me or not, i'm out of control
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think your dad took our porno
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
