I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
try to milk me bitch
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