Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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