Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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