our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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