bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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