I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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