Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She said her name was "party"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
