Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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