i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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