this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize