Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
