the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize