I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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