Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found the puke drawer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
