when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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