I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
