I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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