she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
